Carpe "Canis" Diem

A week has passed since losing my dog, Banjo, to cancer and I haven't written a word until now.  I'm not sure why, although a part of me thinks it's because she is the inspiration for Cricket in the Scarlet series and I'm not sure how it's going to feel to write her now that she's gone.  Another part of me thinks I'm just finding excuses not to have to face the inevitable.  There is a strange quiet in my mind without her goofy, lovable presence and somehow, if I turn on the creative juices and put them to paper, I'll lose that quiet.  Quiet that is keeping sadness temporarily at bay.  So I'm forcing myself to push away the quiet and reflect a bit instead.  Whether we like it our not, the inevitable always comes and it's better to face it on your own terms then wait for it to ambush you.

It occurs to me that much like in life, in death there are great lessons to be learned from the species so many of us share our lives with.  Certainly devotion, unconditional love, and loyalty are obvious choices, but with such a short time on earth, I believe dogs show us just how precious life is; life that many of us take for granted until we are too old to do much living.  It's not because we are ignorant, or even naive.  Mostly it's because we are too busy with the mundane, day to day grind to really appreciate the time we have.  We go to work, take care of our homes, maybe try to get some exercise, make sure our kids are clean, fed and generally well behaved, go to bed, get too little sleep and repeat.  Twenty, thirty years pass and far too often, that same run on sentence is really all we have to look back on.  When is last time your dog acted as if your coming home was anything but the most unique, special, exhilarating event that has ever happened?  When is the last time she looked at the same old dry kibble you put in her bowl as anything but a feast?

Superdog's Kryptonite

Superdog

I am not the sort of man who see's his pets as children.  Although I am a dog person through and through, dogs are dogs, not people.  That being said, there is something quite special and noble about the canine species that makes them capable of being a part of your family in a way no other animal can.  There is a loyalty and type of love you get from a dog that cannot be duplicated by even the closest human companion.  There is a reason they have been dubbed man's best friend and from the moment the first wolf decided to brave the campfire and cozy up to a caveman somewhere, the human race has been forever changed for the better.

Merry Christmas

A while back I wrote several posts about Banjo the Superdog.  For those of you who did not read those posts, Banjo got her nickname because for nearly six years, the 80lbs Black Labrador Retriever was extraordinarily healthy.  Regardless of what crazy thing she ate, what dangers she got herself into, what lake she swam in (and drank from) she not once was ever injured, sick or in pain.  Last year she developed a growth on her face and while this was Un-Banjo-like, she seemed to recover with only mild intervention from the veterinarian.  This was quite Banjo-like.  Unfortunately, despite Banjo's superdog status, cancer proved to be her kryptonite and after five months of remission, the cancer came back in full force.  It turned out that Banjo was not invincible after all...well, not in the physical sense.
Despite having an aggressive form of nasal cancer, Banjo's spirit, her appetite, and her devotion proved utterly cancer proof.  Not once in the two months that the cancer ravaged her nasal passages, did she refuse to eat a meal or treat, isolate herself from her family, or withhold a lick or snuggle.  Even when the pain was obvious, which for Banjo must have meant quite severe, and the vet prescribed narcotics that should have made her loopy, she was still Banjo.

Keeping Fingers Crossed and the Return of Superdog

Keep your fingers crossed, hold your breath, knock on wood and keep hope alive...Banjo, our resident superdog is looking like she may just be on her way to a full recovery.  If you haven't read my previous blogs, see below as this is an update of sorts.  A recap for those who don't like scrolling down:  Banjo, black lab, inspiration for Cricket from Scarlet and the Keepers of the Light, very sick for the first time, doom gloom, lots of sad faces around the West household, a possible full recovery...
So, what does this experience with Banjo tell me about hope, worry and facing tragedy.  I have always had a personal philosophy when it comes to these sort of life events, that, although it infuriates and sometimes baffles the women in my life, I believe might just be worth emulating.  Well...at least worth sharing.  I find worrying to be a pointless and counter productive endeavor.  My mother, for instance, is a classic worrier and in my humble opinion has mastered the art.  Sure, it shows how much she cares about us, but, that is the only productive consequence of putting herself through the pain and anguish before the bad event actually takes place.  My philosophy...stop worrying.   
To simple, did I loose you?  Hang on and let me explain.  When you worry about something, you raise your stress level, shorten your life expectancy, force yourself to face the negative outcome whether it actually happens or not and most importantly, yourwaste the time you have before the negative event takes place.  When I face something, like the possible loss of my dog for instance, I ask myself the following questions.  Is there anything I can do to prepare for, combat or avoid the possible outcome?  If the answer is yes, I ask: what can I do right now and when is the moment when I can?  Is there anything I can do to help my love one's face what's coming?  Often, by the way, the answer is no...
With the answers to those questions I have all I need to begin actively not worrying.  I take action on the answers to my questions and once done, I let go.  I have done what can be done.  Worrying is now, concretely a waste of my time.
Imagine if you knew for instance, ahead of time, that you were going to break your foot.  Would it make any sense at all to put on a pair of painfully tight shoes and lay up on the couch all day...before you broke your foot.  The break could be days away.  You could be running and jumping, skipping and playing sports.  You could be...taking your superdog for a walk.  Worrying after you have actively done what you can to prepare, is just like that.  Its laying up before the injury.  Its taking yourself out of the moment and living pain that may or may not actually happen.
The moral to this little addition to the blog.  Figure out what you can do to make any situation better and then...enjoy the moments your in and those present in those moments.
 

Paperbacks, Proofs, Fire Stations and Banjo's

It is an enormous relief to have something I've worked so hard on out of my hands and, hopefully, into yours.  It has definitely been a process that stretched my expertise, and while exciting (and at times tedious) the process of getting a book to print feels a whole lot more like work than writing it did.  That being said, as many of you might already know, Scarlet and the Keepers of the Light became available for sale in its physical form, a trade paperback, at around six this morning.  For those of you who were waiting, I apologize for the delay between the Kindle and paperback release.  As I've hinted at above, I underestimated how much more was left to accomplish before the book could be fully released.  It has been a week of transitions and bitter sweet moments for me, and while releasing the book was a highlight, its completion had to take the back burner a couple of times.
I received the final proof at the beginning of the week and also had to leave my fire station and crew of nearly four years, get promoted, and work through a scare with Banjo, the Labrador who inspired Cricket (more on that later).
Although writing is my first and most constant love, I also have the privilege of serving as a professional firefighter.  I have been fortunate enough for the past four years to work out of the same old, moldy fire station, my first coming out of recruit school.  This week, I begin paramedic school full time and with the promotion, I was officially transferred away from this home away from home.  Speaking with my wife, who put it in perspective for me (she has a habit of doing that) as I worked 24 hours on shift, 48 hours off, I have spent a third of the last three years at that station.  Normally I avoid looking at life that way, it can get a bit daunting...you spend a third of your life asleep...you spend three whole years commuting to work...you spend 40 whole days of your life brushing your teeth, if you have cavities, maybe 30...  It starts to make you feel like you waste a lot of time, and as the only resource on earth that we simply can't have more of, that can be a bit of a downer.  But as far as its related to the fire station, it brought a smile to my face.  If you ever have the chance to be a firefighter, take it.  There is no better job in the world.

Banjo (aka Cricket)

For those of you who have read Scarlet and the Keepers of the Light, you will definitely be familiar with Cricket.  Without giving anything away, Cricket is the Hopewell family's black Labrador.  Well, I will confess that she is not entirely my invention.  The West family has a Cricket, we call her Banjo, and she is the inspiration behind the Cricket character.  Over the past six years, she has been there with Angela and I through some of the most significant moments of our lives.  She was there at the birth of our second daughter, at the death of our first dog,  she was there when I graduated the fire academy and was in my lap with I finished reading the proof of Scarlet.  For six years, my superdog, who I had begun to think of as invincible, ate things no dog should eat, played rough, loved hard, nurtured our children and made us laugh.  And for the first time in six years, Banjo is very sick.  Now, I don't want this to be a depressing post, keep in mind I did mention that she is a superdog and will no doubt shake this off and be right as rain.
So why post this news at all, well, hopefully, I'm going to bring this all together.  While I don't think you should spend your time counting the hours you spend wasting time cutting your toenails or the years you spend in the shower, a little bit of healthy recognition that time, for us here on earth at least, is not infinite.  So...if you have a Banjo, go give her a big hug and if you don't, go to the nearest shelter and get you one.  If you have a dream, start chasing.  And you have to spend 40 days of your life brushing your teeth, buy the tasty toothpaste.